"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." —The Wonder Years

 

I have had so many emotions over the past couple of months. Some things have brought me so much sorrow and others have brought me so much joy. I have been all over the place emotionally. 

It has been seven weeks since I said goodbye to my mom. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Being with her in the weeks before she died was awful because I knew it was the end but it also brought me such joy knowing that I was able to help take care of her like she had taken care of me my whole life. It has been so hard not having her here. I find myself thinking all the time that I need to call Mom and tell her something and then I remember that she has died. It breaks my heart every time.

 Before she died she let me take her Christmas ornaments she had when she married 64 years ago. I was so happy to have them. Some of them are chipped and missing paint but I love them. all. They are all on my Christmas tree alongside the ornaments that were my Grandma Trenda's and ones from my mother-in-law. As I was putting them on the tree I was telling Rick how much they meant to me and of course, I started to cry. Christmas without my Mom is hard....

So now onto some joyous things! 

Those of you who know me know that I am always looking at real estate. I love looking at what's out there and what houses are going for. So this summer I found a house that was 2 miles out of town with an acre of land. I showed it to Rick and we both liked it. But we both thought it was priced too high. Well, I kept an eye on it and after being on the market for a month the price came down.  So in the first week of August, we went to look at the house. We both knew immediately we would be happy in the house. It needed some work but nothing we could not handle. So, we put in an offer and got the house! We put our house on the market and 4 days later it was sold for over our asking price. 

All was going good and I had the house packed and ready to move at the end of September. And then the worst happened. The person that was buying our house financing fell though! I was so upset. We were going to have to put our house back on the market. But a miracle happened. The person managed to figure out his financing and the deal was back on. We were delayed a month on closing but it was going to happen. 

So we were all set to close on October 27. But Mom died on the 19th of October. The funeral was set for October 26. I called my realtor and asked if we could change the closing again and thank goodness everyone agreed. So three days after the funeral, we moved. To say I was a little overwhelmed is an understatement. But we did it. 

We are so happy here! It is so nice to be out in the country again. I did not realize how much I missed it. We have room for the boat and camper van here. The dogs love having more room to run. And the most exciting thing of all is the fact that I now have a willow tree!!! My whole life I have been obsessed with willow trees. My Grandma Becker had a huge willow tree in her yard and I always remember loving it and playing under it. So when I saw the willow tree in the yard I knew I had to move here. 

Two days after moving I went back to work. I had been off work for almost a month so I could help take care of Mom and help with Dad. It was hard to go back but also so good to be back. I missed my students and I missed the routine of just everyday life. It was good to be back. The students were as happy to see me as I was to see them that first day back. They bring me so much joy. 

On December 3, I finally hit my goal of 2023 miles in the year 2023. I was so far behind this year but considering I did not do anything for almost two months I am happy that I finished. Goal achieved!!!

We got Chinese food the other day and when I opened my fortune cookie this was my fortune. It was totally meant for me because we are so happy in our small house!! 

My Dad is doing okay in the Memory Care unit at Mill City. We moved him out of the assisted living apartment that he was living in with Mom the day after she died. It was so hard to do, but with his Alzheimer's he needs 24-hour care.  He was so confused at first and kept forgetting that Mom had died and that he had gone to the funeral.  But now that it has been a while he is settling in. Most days he remembers that Mom has died and where he is. He told me when I was there this week that he likes it there and he likes all the people who help take care of him.  He also told me that getting old is okay but losing your memory is hard. He said that he would be sitting there thinking and wondering why Charlotte had not come to visit him and then he remembered that she died. It broke my heart to hear him say that. It is so hard because he knows he is memory is going and there is nothing he can do to make it come back. Alzheimer's sucks. 

Since we are still getting things put away and going through some boxes I came across a photo book that had somehow got packed into a box of random stuff. It was from 2011 when we all went up to my sister's house for a weekend. I opened it up and the first photo was of my Mom holding her great-grandson Eli when he was just two months old. I immediately burst into tears. All I could think about was how much I missed her. 

Grief is hard but I have good people that are helping me through it....

Until next time

Sharon